The human brain is flummoxing. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a complete and utter optimist. I'm always happy, or at least I always appear happy. Every weekday I walk into my school and my mood drops to a new level of low. I absolutely dread human interaction in my school. Yet, when I see people I pretend I'm excited to see them. The most troubling thing about all of this is that I can not, for the life of me, figure out why the hell I do this. I guess what I'm trying to explain is that this blog is an experiment. I'm testing to see if blogging can help me understand myself a little better. And, yes. I am aware that that sounds incredibly cliche.
The idea of blogging actually came to me about a month ago. I was lying in my bed wide awake contemplating life, I really hope I'm not the only person that does this. Anyways, I suddenly decided to grab my laptop and record my thoughts in a blog. I wrote a long and detailed entry, the contents of which I would rather not get into due to the fact that my first attempt at a blog post was extremely negative. Like EXTREMELY negative. It's like I have an entire other side of me, the realist in me, that's trying to overthrow the happy hopeless romantic version of me that I show the world. And the strange thing is, I think I want to be able to show this side of me to the world. But I can't. And that's what doesn't make sense to me. So, I've thrown out the old blog and started Anew. I want to be able to balance my two halves, I guess maybe it's a Gemini thing? Ya know, double personalities and all?
But more of that later, I want to make sure that I'm not communicating a fake version of myself to anyone who has come across my blog and now fallen victim to having to listen to me rant about the various stereotypical questions that teenage girls around the world ask themselves in hopes of being able to differentiate themselves from everyone else. I guess that's all everyone wants to stand out and believe that they're special, or that we have some sort of destiny or fate that will lead us to accomplish amazing things. Well fate's a bitch. Fate has me believing that I'm the main character of the movie when all I seem to be able to amount to is being the pathetic supporting character that is merely there to support everyone else as she's not interesting enough to be a dynamic character of any sort. Damn it. And there she is again, my other personality trying to wedge her way into my thoughts and make me feel inferior to the world around me.
I guess I'll leave it at that. I'd like to touch on all of these topics again in future posts to come but I would really like to hear input from anyone who takes the time to read this so please comment on this post or email me at ashleyjennerson@gmail.com. Thanks for wasting 10 minutes of your life reading about my all too cliche life.
-Ashley Jennerson
